I hate being wrong. Anytime I get into a discussion, I have the innate feeling that I must come out of the conversation feeling victorious. It’s bad.
Last week, I had to interview a person for my Spiritual Formation final paper. I chose to interview my youth minister from way back, Dave. We were talking about what ways he furthers his relationship with God, and one thing he said really stuck out and spoke to me.
Submission in the everyday life.
I guess I never really thought about that as being a spiritual discipline. I know about the discipline of “submission to God” in the aspect of submitting all you have to God, but I haven’t really thought of the act of submission in the sense that he spoke about as a spiritual discipline. The way he spoke about it was this: it’s the discipline of submitting to the fact that you don’t have to be right all the time. He spoke about how freeing it is in relationships and dialogue with others. Since talking to him, I’ve really been contemplating that whole thing.
Then comes tonight.
If you don’t know about it, Sanctuary is a worship service that takes place on Thursday nights a mile or so from Lipscomb’s campus. I used to go to it all the time. Every Thursday I was there. But at the beginning of my Junior year, I stopped going to it because I felt it became too much like a show and all the songs sounded the same. They all had the same structure:
1. Starts with low synthesizer
2. Enter slow verse consisting, at some point, a phrase that goes along the lines of being the Kingdom
3. Then comes the catchy chorus. Since it’s the first run through, it’s still slower. Usually only being guitar and voices.
4. Enter second verse. Tempo picks up a little bit.
5. Chorus again. This time with full band.
6. Song cuts out. Then begins the slow and steady build whiling singing a line or two over and over again.
7. Then full band kicks back in. This time really bringing it. There’s a ton of power in the music as the line(s) from the build-up continue to yelled out the top of everyone’s lungs.
8. Transition to singing the chorus. The band is still bringing it.
9. Then music falls off for a run-through of the chorus and/or line(s) from the build-up purely acoustic.
10. Song ends with only synthesizer.
So yeah, I was a bit cynical of the whole situation. Thus, the reason why I stopped going on Thursdays.
Tonight was the last Sanctuary of the school year. One of my roommates, Jesse, is one of leaders of the band and graduating with me this May, so I thought I would go to Sanctuary tonight just to be there for the last Sanctuary he would be leading during his college career. I showed up about 20 minutes after it started, and I just sat in the back while everyone else sang along to all of the songs.
But then something came over me. I don’t know what it was, but things started to connect. From the conversation I had with Dave to the reasons I left Sanctuary nearly two years ago, everything started to clear up and show me that I was totally in the wrong state of mind. I had gotten so focussed on the act of Sanctuary that I started scrutinizing it and finding faults in it, and that put my heart in the totally wrong place. I wouldn’t go because I had a certain judgement of it, and I continued to not go because I didn’t want to accept the thought that I was wrong about it.
But while I was there, it seemed like a puzzle piece that was missing in my life was put back in its place. I have no sense of worship with fellow believers like that, and once my heart had gotten in the place that it should have been, I just felt engulfed in some sort of community. I didn’t know half the people there, but I felt connected to everyone there as I sat on the floor in the back singing out the songs for the first time in a long time.
I have always hated the thought of being wrong. And it is something I need to work on. If I am truly going to learn submission to my brothers and sisters in the Kingdom, then my heart must be in the right place. I cannot turn my heart off to things and declare myself right, but rather, I must keep my heart open for whatever God may put in my life.
Lord,
Help me through this struggle I have in my life. Help me to submit to your children and work with them to bring about to Kingdom and not do things that build up walls that keep me away from community.
And thank you for Jesse. Even though I initially went tonight to be there for him, I came out of there blessed more than I can express. So, thank you for placing him in my life to be a great friend and, if for nothing else, for being the reason I ended up showing up to worship tonight. Please allow this epitome tonight have a lasting experience to further a sense of community within myself.
